cherrylng: (YumenokanataeAoi)
For the last 2 times I visited there, truth be told, I always feel excited at first. But then when my excitement wears down, I always tend to sense that I overstayed my welcome, even when in reality, I'm not. But that feeling still lingers to me, and it makes me feel like an asshole, I get scared, and wish that I leave as soon as possible.

I actually really like to visit markets, looking at meats, fruits and vegetables and food made and sold there. But lately whenever I visit the Borough Market and leave, I feel like my experience going there is like a disappointment. Sometimes I feel like I'm threatening people's lives for their jobs and duties whenever I open my mouth and say something I shouldn't say before quickly defending myself to make sure that I don't fall into more trouble than I should with my stupid mouth.

But just as much as I feel like an asshole for doing that and admit and agree that it's the employee's right to intervene when I break the rules right in front of them or admit it out loud, sometimes I think of what it's like to oblige the rules and laws made out of fear rather than respect or nonchalance.

At the same time though, it makes me think that I should stay at home rather than go outside and offend a whole lot of people from my stupidity, naivety, and ignorance. Which makes me feel shittier in a couple of hours than I do in a day or two.

That's allー(· A ·)
cherrylng: (YumenokanataeAoi)
My second year in Uni started. And so far, I literally have not felt like I've done much during my summer holidays, even though I did, but they are few and far between.

At the same time, I feel frustrated that I only got 4 KenxHyde stories posted so far, and haven't been writing with my favourite pairings. It doesn't upset me that there's not many Jrock pairings that really interested me since 1) they're the mainstream pairings, 2) some of my favourite writers have not been active, and 3) although there's a shit ton of other fanfiction to sate me, they just don't really satisfy me.

I feel like I WASTED MY MONTHS NOT WRITING AS MUCH AS I USED TO ON AN AVERAGE PER MONTH  (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

I think at the very least, I should try to write, finish and post them. I itch to write.

I want my mind to go beyond the story that's been playing over and over and make new ones, no matter if it's domestic, a little dirty or adventurous.

That's allー(· ∀ ·)

Welp

Jun. 14th, 2013 02:31 pm
cherrylng: (YumenokanataeAoi)
I thought that feeling of my heart dying in me was familiar. It's the me that felt her world shattered apart in 2010.

I don't feel betrayed at all with how KENZO is leaving AYABIE. It's his decision, and his to take. I just feel like something died in me again.

Ayabie is really a band that I should not have been bonded to too much in the past, because the bad news that they give really, really hurts. I know that they're almost like other bands who don't really explain all that much of their decisions, but the ones that do shows a bit of honesty and reason behind it. I think that's what makes their announcements for bad things hurt so much.

It tends to be those bands that have been established for a while now that hurts the most.

And I think that suddenly, the direction of where my plotting mind is going is going to be scary. I don't like that, but that's how my mind works.

Welp, time to put the decision on how to deal with my OTP, KenzoxAoi. I either write them or put them down in hiatus for the moment to mend myself up.

That's allー(Q A Q)

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